![]() ![]() He doesn’t say, “Cheese!” or try to aim the camera from a flattering angle. When he’s taking photos, Jasper doesn’t count down from three. Everyone is too busy staring into the lens. Have you noticed that? Likewise, no one stares at the actual person behind the camera. At group gatherings he’s become our unofficial photographer. Not too long ago, we bought Jasper a camera. It meant supporting the particular choices he needed to make, even if those weren’t the choices of most other kids. At the same time, I was beginning to understand how being a parent meant helping my son be himself in the world. Demanding that my child act like other kids was exhausting, for both of us. “Get in the picture now!” Embarrassed, frustrated, and confused, I was always aware that people were watching.īy the time my son was diagnosed with autism I had given up trying to force him to pose for pictures. “Get in the picture,” I used to tell my son. Jasper’s refusal to smile, or worse yet to be present in the picture at all, is seen as a refusal of love and also, I suppose, ineffective parenting on my part. For our annual family reunion, my mom’s dream is to gather all of her grinning grandchildren around her for a picture. Everyone shouts for Jasper to get in the picture too, but he doesn’t come. It’s caused some conflict during group outings, when my friends’ children pile onto picnic tables and look adorable, ready for a photo op. But my son doesn’t have that kind of cute forced grin. And one to which most kids might respond by turning on their picture smiles, the ones they’ve been trained since birth to master. And while, for some reason, this bothers a lot of people, I’ve learned to accept it. Often, he refuses to be in pictures at all. Now at nine, Jasper still doesn’t smile for photographs. Though his autism is not always visible, it is always there. At seven, after years of frustration and bewilderment, he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. ![]() Looking back, I think he was trying to make sense of the world, a place into which he struggled to fit. To calm himself, he’d study things like the rotating blades of fans or wires coming out of the walls. Jasper appeared worried in all of them, his eyes looking away rather than into the lens of the camera. Though the light in the studio was perfect that afternoon, and my son appeared to be glowing, I had trouble picking out pictures I thought my parents or anyone else would understand. “What does that little guy have to be so worried about?” a homeless man once asked while we were out walking a new city.Īt two, we took him to a photographer’s studio I thought that’s what parents were suppose to do-get professional pictures taken of their children to hand out to family members. Relatives, nurses, friends and strangers would try to get him to crack a grin, as if a serious baby was a danger, an affront to the definition of a child. We could never get him to do it on command. By the time he was one, Jasper looked either anxious or furious most days. Acta Psychologica, 144 (3) 522-529.From the beginning, my son wasn’t much of a smiler. (2013) The influence of position and context on facial attractiveness. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40, 901-908. (2010) Red and romantic behaviour in men viewing women. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering, 55(9-B), 4149. (1995) Evolved mate preferences in women: Psychological adaptations for assessing a man's willingness to invest in offspring. The Journal of Creative Behaviour, 0, 1-19. (2014) Who finds Bill Gates sexy? Creative mate preferences as a function of cognitive ability, personality, and creative achievement. (2008) Romantic red: Red embraces men’s attraction to women Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 5, 1150-1164. Frontiers in Psychology, 21, 310.ĭating Scout ‘Dating Scout Profile Pictures Study’ Retrieved August 1, 2020, from. (2011) Status and mating success amongst visual artists. (2020) The art of flirting: What are the traits that make it effective? Personality and Individual Differences.Ĭlegg, H., Nettle, D., & Miell, D. ![]()
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